“You have a lovely voice,” a stranger’s whisper interrupted my thoughts. “Would you like to do this again sometime? It puts the kids to sleep beautifully after lunch.”
uncomfortable. Never, truly never, would I have thought I’d ever return to this place. Well, I don’t mean this specific room, but this type of institution in general. Even in my wildest dreams, it couldn't have felt more surreal.
I looked at the young kindergarten teacher, surrounded by a flock of little creatures tucked in like logs in their sleeping bags. “But let’s go now, so we don’t wake them up right away,” she said almost inaudibly.
Have you, as an adult, ever sat in a kindergarten chair? It’s hard enough to squeeze into one, but getting out is even worse. Even though I’m of a more mature age, alright, I’ll admit it, I’m retired, I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of this beautiful young lady.
But for some reason, I just couldn't get up. I should have worked more on my core strength at the gym, I thought to myself. “Can I help you?” She whispered into my ear.
Oh, that’s all I needed! I gave myself a powerful push, and, voilà, it worked. But I barely managed to keep my balance afterward. Whew, I need to practice this for next time. What next time, exactly? Wait, have I already been talked into this? It didn't take her long at all.
Every now and then, my wife and I help our kids by babysitting the grandkids. And when my granddaughter started kindergarten, I began walking her there to help them out with the logistics. I suppose I looked like I was enjoying it, but who wouldn't smile around that little girl? I didn't want to look like a grumpy old man in front of her. When she’s supposed to take an afternoon nap at our place, I always read to her because they say it helps her fall asleep. But apparently, she just can't manage a "nap time" at kindergarten. “Grandpa, wouldn't you come there with me sometime?” she asked me once while I was reading to her again. “You have such a beautiful, soothing voice, you could put even snakes to sleep.” A shiver went down my spine, as if someone had walked over my grave.
For decades, I managed and coached adults, but I feared other people's children like the plague. Just the thought of something similar gave me instant hives and put me on the verge of anaphylactic shock. Or at least a heart attack. It’s a good thing I wasn't drinking anything at that moment, or I probably would have drowned in a glass of water. But I calmed down almost immediately when it hit me that she was just teasing me. She did that often, and she was really good at it. And I wasn’t going to fall for it this time!
Unfortunately, it wasn't one of her pranks. She meant it seriously and wouldn't be talked out of it. As soon as her mom came to pick her up, she started manipulating her in that direction. I felt a sense of relief when they left, and I completely forgot about it. But it didn't take long, and during a typical Sunday family lunch, the little one brought it up again. How she loves it when Grandpa reads to her, how she’d love to have Grandpa in kindergarten too, to read to her before nap time so she could fall asleep easier, and how the other kids would too, and how...
Slowly but surely, my throat began to tighten. It was clear to me that she wasn't joking. Or was she? A tiny shred of hope flickered for a second. But no, it didn't look like it. Her mom and grandma joined in. “Et tu, Brute?” I thought as my own wife started persuading me. I tried to change the subject to football, but it didn't help. How about the garden? Not that either. Well, I need to excuse myself to the restroom.
In the evening, when my wife and I were left alone, it continued. They had already arranged it with the kindergarten, and they said it would look bad to back out now. Well, long story short, I held the defensive line for exactly a week. Armed with my glasses and the best book, I walked toward our kindergarten before lunch. Why am I writing "our," anyway? It’s not ours yet... whew, I don't want to get ahead of myself.
I was welcomed by one of the teachers, the prettier one. Though both were very nice. They led me into the classroom, where there were mini chairs with a mini table. Since I wanted to sit down, the mini chair was one of two options. The other was the floor. I chose the chair without thinking it through in much detail. I put on my glasses and opened the book.
The glasses - that was my cubby symbol in kindergarten. I had it embroidered or drawn on all my things.
It was constantly in front of my eyes; even my underwear was marked with it. I used to think it would follow me my whole life. I literally felt branded. I hated it. But symbols were rationed. I wanted a ball, like a proper little soccer player. I didn’t like kindergarten either, and my whole life I sincerely hoped I’d never step foot in one again.
“Grandpa, come on, start already,” my granddaughter interrupted my nostalgia. Who could resist her?
The story is originally written in the Slovak language. English and Czech translations are generated by AI. The picture is downloaded from pixabay and pixaby. This story is fictional and any resemblance to real characters or events is purely coincidental.
Brýle
Okuliare
„Máte pekný hlas,“ vyrušil ma zo zamyslenia cudzí šepot. „Nechceli by ste si to ešte niekedy zopakovať? Deti to po obede krásne uspáva.“
Vôbec neviem, ako som sa tu ocitol. Bolo divné tu zase sedieť. A hlavne nepohodlné. Nikdy, ale skutočne nikdy by som si nepomyslel, že sa sem ešte niekedy vrátim. Teda, nemyslím konkrétne do tejto miestnosti, ale do takejto inštitúcie. Ani vo sne to nemohlo byť bizarnejšie.
Díval som sa na mladú pani učiteľku, obklopenú kŕdľom malých stvorení uložených ako polená v spacákoch. „Ale teraz už poďme, aby sme ich hneď nezobudili,“ povedala takmer nečujne.
Už ste niekedy ako dospelí sedeli na škôlkarskej stoličke? Ťažko sa do nej vtesnať, ale ešte horšie sa z nej dostáva. Hoci som už v zrelšom veku - no dobre, priznám sa, na dôchodku - nechcel som sa pred touto krásnou slečnou strápniť. Ale neviem prečo, nie a nie sa zdvihnúť. Mal som v posilňovni viac trénovať stred tela, pomyslel som si. „Môžem vám pomôcť?“ zašepkala mi do ucha.
No ešte to tak, to by mi chýbalo. Poriadne som sa odrazil a, voila, podarilo sa. Ale len tak-tak som potom udržal rovnováhu. Uff, nabudúce to musím natrénovať. Aké nabudúce vlastne? Čo, už som sa nechal prehovoriť? Ani jej to dlho netrvalo.
Občas s manželkou pomáhame našim mladým strážiť vnúčatá. A keď vnučka nastúpila do škôlky, začal som ju tam aj odprevádzať, aby to logisticky lepšie zvládali. Asi som vyzeral, že ma to baví, ale kto by sa netváril milo pri tom malom stvorení. Nechcel som pred ňou vyzerať ako kakabus. Keď má ísť u nás poobede spať, tak jej čítavam, lebo vraj od toho sa jej dobre zaspáva. A v škôlke sa jej vraj „poo“ nedá. „Dedo, nešiel by si tam niekedy so mnou?“ opýtala sa ma raz, keď som jej zase čítal. „Ty máš taký krásny, uspávací hlas, aj hadov by si uspal.“ Striaslo ma, akoby mi smrť prešla po chrbte.
Desiatky rokov som zvládal riadenie a koučovanie dospelých, no cudzích detí som sa bál ako čert svätenej vody. Len pri pomyslení na niečo podobné mi hneď na rukách naskakovala žihľavka a chytal ma anafylaktický šok. Alebo aspoň infarkt. Ešteže som pri tom nepil, lebo by som sa asi utopil v pohári vody. Hneď som sa však upokojil, keď mi napadlo, že si ma len doberá. Robila to často a bola v tom úspešná. Ale ja sa tentoraz nedám nachytať!
Bohužiaľ, nebol to jeden z jej kúskov. Myslela to vážne a nedala si to vyhovoriť. Hneď ako po ňu prišla jej mama, začala ju týmto smerom manipulovať. Aj som si oddýchol, keď odišli, a celkom som na to zabudol. Netrvalo však dlho a pri jednom nedeľnom obede rodinného typu to malá znovu načala. Že má rada, keď jej dedo číta, že by chcela deda aj v škôlke, aby jej čítal pred spaním, že by sa jej ľahšie zaspávalo, a že aj ostatným deťom, a že...
Pomaly, ale isto mi začalo zvierať hrdlo. Bolo mi jasné, že nežartuje. Alebo žeby predsa? Na sekundu mi svitla malá nádej. Ale nie, nevyzeralo to tak. Pridala sa k nej jej mama aj babka. „Aj ty, Brutus?“ pomyslel som si, keď ma začala prehovárať aj moja manželka. Snažil som sa zmeniť tému na hokej, ale nepomohlo to. Žeby záhrada? Ani to. No nič, musím si odskočiť.
Večer, keď sme zostali s manželkou sami, to pokračovalo. Už to mali dohodnuté aj v škôlke a že teraz by bolo blbé cúvnuť. No, nebudem to naťahovať, obranu som udržal presne týždeň. Vyzbrojený okuliarmi a najlepšou knižkou som pred obedom vykročil k našej škôlke. Prečo vlastne píšem „našej“? Ešte nie je naša... uff, nechcem predbiehať udalosti.
Privítala ma jedna z učiteliek, tá krajšia. Milé však boli obe. Zaviedli ma do triedy, kde boli mini stoličky s mini stolíkom. Keďže som sa chcel posadiť, bola mini stolička jedna z dvoch možností. Tou druhou bola podlaha. Vybral som si stoličku bez toho, aby som to premyslel do väčších detailov. Nasadil som si okuliare a otvoril knižku.
Okuliare - to bola moja značka v škôlke. Mal som ju vyšitú alebo nakreslenú na všetkých svojich veciach. Stále som ju mal pred očami, ešte aj trenírky som mal označené. Myslel som si, že ma bude sprevádzať celý život. Doslova som sa cítil označkovaný. Nemal som ju rád. Ale značky boli na prídel. Ja som chcel loptu, ako správny malý futbalista. Nemal som rád ani škôlku a celý život som úprimne dúfal, že tam už nevkročím.
„Dedo, no tak, už začni,“ vyrušila ma z nostalgie vnučka. Kto by jej odolal?
